So it's occured to me over the past while that unless I have a flogger, or some other beating implement in my hand, that people assume I'm not in scene (or aftercare) where people should leave me alone.
I understand that being a "dungeon monitor" people expect to be able to ask questions of me about what I'm doing, how I do it, and if they could experience it next (since that seems to be the trend of things), however those questions should come AFTER all parties involved are clearly done doing whatever it is that they're doing.
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(For the purpose of this writing "relationship" relates to any relationship between two or more people whether it be romantic, D/s dynamic, friendship, mentoring, or otherwise.)
Over the years I've been in this lifestyle I've noticed the trend of new folk jumping into relationships with the first person that seems moderately interesting. I get it. You're brand new, still thinking that part of you might just be screwed up some how, and then this other person shows up. They tell you how awesome you are, how awesome they are, and you figure you're lucky to find someone like that so quickly, so why not? After being a part of numerous photo-shoots and watching countless others, it has become apparent that few people understand their roles and responsibilities in a shoot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The more and more I live in this lifestyle the more and more I'm perplexed by an issue that is no bigger or smaller than one makes it really.
If a Top/Dominant/etc is competent in a certain set of skills, they are basically expected to perform said act for whomever comes a-calling to get said skill, aka "Service Topping." It is a great thing to do for the sake of helping out new people figure out what they want but there is much more to that as well. Lately I've been reminded of something that occurs in just about any place space, public or not. Summer is coming to an end which means a couple things: brand new kinksters are making their way into play spaces as they get out from mom and dad's shadow, extra financial aid money is starting to burn a hole through the young kinksters' pockets, and they're making their way out into the dungeons and play parties completely bright eyed and bushy tailed in awe of the new environment.
I just got done watching the second season of The Colony made by the Discovery Channel. Basically they take a group of strangers and put them into a post apocalyptic type setting and make them ban together to survive for 50+ days. They "colonists" must figure out everything to survive from water to drink to food to eat, shelter and more.
Throughout the entire show in both seasons the colonists have to deal with attacks on their shelter and people trying to take away their valuable resources, even abduction of their fellow colonists. Quickly you begin to see the colonists strengths and weaknesses, even to the point of wanting to yell at the tv when they do something stupid (yes I know it sounds silly but you really can get immersed in what is going on with them). -Small disclaimer: The following is not about the way leather is earned for every household/person, nor is it about the way leather should be earned as a whole. The following is about what the various pieces mean to me.--
My hope with posting this is that it may help those that have desire to learn about Leather get a start in some way, shape or form. Again, this is not the “one true way” to earn/award Leather, it is simple a way that it can be done. If you don’t agree with this format, tweak it so that it fits you or don’t use it at all. If you do like it, by all means use it as a foundation for your own journey and growth. I simply hope that by reading this it sparks your interest enough to keep learning and pursue your goals, whatever they may be. Boots: With thick soles and tough leather, your boots are designed to save your feet from whatever life may throw your way; they are your base and foundation.
--Specialty Items: There are two other items that I believe to be important, though they may not be commonly used in the Leather lifestyle -- Gloves: Originally used to give hands extra warmth and protection, gloves may at times be considered luxury items, even when worn in situations of service (such as a butler’s gloves).
For anyone that cares to read it, this is something I wrote for a paper for school. If you wish to re-use it at all please just let me know first. I hope you all enjoy my little paper on what we all already know.
Unmasking the “Dangerous” World of BDSM BDSM is often referred to as “Sadomasochism,” which is a term used to combine sadism and masochism, the enjoyment of causing pain and the enjoyment of receiving pain. The term “Sadomasochism” is also used in clinical psychology to describe a form of mental illness (Sadomasochism). Media rarely discusses the topic unless involved in the foul play of someone being hospitalized or dying, such as Reverend Gary Aldridge who was found dead from accidental asphyxiation. The 51-year old Reverend was found in “two wet suits, a face mask, diving gloves, slippers, rubberized underwear, two ties, five belts and eleven straps,” (Love Hurts). Another such instance was that of a 67-year old college professor who went into a three day coma after being found unconscious after being left alone and wearing a dog collar and a leather hood (Love Hurts). It is true that both of these instances as well as any other that occur are unfortunate but does it mean that BDSM is as dangerous as the media has us believe? To be able to make that distinction one must first understand better what BDSM is, what is done to keep it safe, and lastly the actual amount of deaths related to BDSM annually. BDSM, as stated previously, is often referred to as “Sadomasochism” but in reality Sadomasochism is only a part of what BDSM really is. BDSM is actually a three part acronym for bondage and discipline (B/D), Dominants and submissives (D/s), and sadism and masochism (S/M). Bondage is the act of controlling one’s physical movement through use of implements including, but not limited to rope, handcuffs, and clothing designed for such purposes. Discipline is the act of controlling someone mentally, physical restraints may be used but are not necessary because the person being controlled is willingly doing something to please the other person or perhaps avoid punishment. Dominants, or Tops, are the people involved that most assume are in control of a situation, they are the ones telling the submissives, or bottoms, what to do and how to behave as well as administering any reward or punishments for behavior. Submissives, however, are the ones that actually are in charge of any given situation through the use of safe words. There is also another type of person not listed in the acronym called a Switch; this person can “switch” back and forth between being a Dominant or a submissive given the situation they are involved in whereas most Dominants or submissives remain only that. Now that BDSM has been broken down into its core meanings one should understand that just because someone is involved in one aspect of the Lifestyle, BDSM, they are not necessarily involved in the rest. For example a Dominant and his or her submissive may deal heavily in the D/s aspect but may not have anything to do with the S/M side and vice versa. For those involved in the Lifestyle there are many steps that are taken to ensure the safety of everyone involved. Most will argue that there is nothing safe about someone being restrained and whipped or flogged and to an extent they have a point. The act of whipping someone or flogging someone, or any other method used, puts strain on the body whether it is in the form of causing pain or restricting blood flow or any other number of things. For this reason safety measures are in place such as pre-scene negotiations, which allows all parties involved to discuss at length what will be involved, what may happen, what is not allowed to happen, and the safe words that will be used in case the scene must stop. It is true that there is always the chance that something will go wrong, but the same is true for any situation such as driving a car or walking down the street, the difference here being that play scenarios are much more controlled than the street. Another of the main differences between safe play and unsafe play is the addition of extra people. One would probably assume that the addition of more people would make a scene less safe but the opposite is true, the more people that are involved, the more people there are watching to make sure things go properly; most accidents happen when someone is playing by themselves such as the two gentlemen stated earlier. In a study of the causes of death in the U.S. in 2000, tobacco was listed as the number one cause with 18.1 percent of deaths followed by poor diet and exercise, 16.6%, alcohol consumption, 3.5%, and motor vehicles, 1.8% (Actual Causes). If BDSM is so dangerous then why are sexual activities listed with only a 0.8% death rate and the majority of those being related to HIV and AIDS, hepatitis B and C, and cervical cancer? One must also wonder why it is that things such as hang-gliding, scuba diving and rock climbing aren’t shunned from the public eye considering their death rates of one in 116,000, one in 200,000, and one in 320,000 respectively. Maternal pregnancies even have a death rate of one in 8,200 (Data on climbing). According to Google public data there are currently 307,006,550 people in the United States as of July 2009. At the death rate of rock climbing of one in 320,000 approximately 959 people will die of rock climbing where as approximately 500-1000 people die of autoerotic deaths (Autoerotic Fatalities). Again, one must wonder why BDSM is shunned as being so dangerous when clearly there are other activities that are far more dangerous yet so widely accepted and praised. The only answer to why BDSM has been and probably will continue to be hidden from the public is misunderstanding and unwillingness to learn. Even though the media will continue to portray BDSM as something that is dangerous and only for those that are full of “guilt, embarrassment and fear of intimacy” (Love Hurts), those involved can only hope that someone will see the Lifestyle for what it truly is, just another way of living, no more dangerous than anything else. Works Cited “Actual Causes of Death in the United States, 2000” American Medical Association. 2004. Actual Causes of Death in the United States “Autoerotic Fatality” Wikipedia. 30 June 2010. Autoerotic Fatality “Data on climbing and fatalities” All Climbing. 12 January 2009. Data on climbing and fatalities “Love Hurts: Sadomasochism’s Dangers” 14 February 2008. Love Hurts “Sadomasochism” Wikipedia. 24 July 2010. Sadomasochism |
AuthorIgnixia is an international kink and alternative sexuality educator. The following blog entries range from educational information and resources from her classes to daily musings had on things occurring in the world. Archives
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